worries

i can’t go to sleep peacefully no matter how much i read my prayers. i just can’t go to sleep.

i’m worried every single second of my life. worried that i am not doing anything productive every single day. i feel wasted. i’m wasting my life. it feels like the end of me. i’m not exaggerating, but it sucks not earning. furthermore, money is everything. to get you going somewhere. to get you anything. money plays a big part in our lives. and here i am not earning! =.=

is my resume that bad that no one wants to hire me! =.= omg. i am not giving up. i am still searching and hoping. i know i’ll get one soon. but how soon, i’ve got no idea. really.. =.= i’m getting annoyed each day.

i’m even worried that i can’t do my prayers and haven’t been doing for the past few days. cos i can’t. due to women reason. my body is dirty and i feel dirty. i’ve been thinking a lot lately. what’s the mistake i’ve done that it’s this hard for me to get a freaking job. when i had no problems for the past few years?

i know i haven’t been taking things for serious and this is really killing me. actually i’ve never take anything for serious. be it school wise, work wise or even life. i don’t treasure my life. i’ve never think of the consequences after the shit i did. =.= like seriously. i’d just say it’s once in a lifetime shit, just do it. up till now, i’m still holding on to that. cos i know, good things never comes twice. heh~

so, now.. i am desperate for a job.. i have things to settle, i need my life back, i wanna earn, i wanna make new awesome friends.. everything. i need my life…… bahh~

i wanna cleanse my body, heart and soul and talk to HIM. i need HIM to help me get through this. whatever HIS plan is. i need it asap!

i can’t sleep. i really can’t.

i was on my bed, getting myself to sleep. trying so hard and praying. well, then i came up here blogging my hearts out. i really can’t do this anymore. pretending everything is fucking alright, when i fucking know nothing is alright. =.=

IM SO PISSED!!!

ok enough with the angsty shit.

i’ve got plans on what to do tomorrow but again it’s nothing productive. like wth! i know.. damn it. i hate my life now. i need a job.

ok bye.

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